this is a lesson I have learned before, but it takes a good stout reminder -
every so often.
there is an undercurrent to each of these reunions -
that I am only faintly aware of -
every now and then - I get a scent of it -
I see a shadow dart around the corner -
I hear a sound that gets my attention -
like the siren did at the end of the memorial dinner -
and I am fully aware -
and then - all too quickly - the sound - the sight - the smell -
is gone and my customary life floods in around me from 360 degrees and
carries me along to the next moment of awareness.
these reunions with these men -
they are like food for the hungry -
like air for the drowning -
relief for the painful -
everything after Vietnam is "gravy"
just like the actor said in the movie
"Platoon".
we were surrounded - all the time
exactly the place airborne troopers are supposed to be -
the tears I have cried - are a mere creek -
to the river of tears of fear and
joy I have inside.
will it always be so ?
I think it will be -
I think it will be - and I have to make peace with myself about that.
and at the end of the service this morning -
I so wanted to form a circle with
each of us holding hands -
to touch one another - to do what we could not do
so long ago -
unless another of our brothers was injured -
so many of us are still injured -
and we need that human contact -
to keep leading us back to safety -
leading us home - to safety.
Ronald Nelson was at this reunion -
when I saw him I just began to cry -
I could not stop.
he was the last person I saw alive from the battalion so many years ago when
he got his orders to leave Okinawa -
and I am glad he was the first to go -
because being last - was just agony.
this is a group of men that know green tracers -
that know the pump - pump - pump sound in the distance -
not the sound of the helicopter but the sound of the mortar round coming out
of tube -
knows the sound of in coming - the sound of out going -
you see - this is a part of our brains -
our muscles - our bones - our souls -
that has stored this information away - so deeply
so very deep that we will not share it with anyone else -
to speak it - is to demean it -
demean the experience -
this shared experience -
and that is at least one reason, we must -
we have to, return into the company of one another -
because as we laugh - and joke - and cry our way through these reunions -
we share all of that time - and experience -
by just standing close to one another -
mumbling the words we could not say in
ambush position in the bush -
each of us opens that door to the dark place - just a little -
because in the company of these men - it is not a shame - it is an honor -
a badge of courage - that each of us possessed each time we went outside the
wire -
or got on a helicopter on the way to an LZ.
let us continue to understand that we were warriors - brave - one and all -
and though we were rebuked by some -
and have done some rebuking and wondering
about ourselves at times -
we are certain that valor did not fail -
our valor did not fail -
and the valor of our beloved brothers who died in our arms did not fail -
and we must not let that message ever be forgotten -
Have faith - Have strength -
And God bless us one and all.